In a close relationship with scum , we are unable to meet irresponsible people and call them "scumbags" or "scumbags". It seems that giving such a review will give some comfort to the heart, because they are wrong people, those w...
In a close relationship with scum , we are unable to meet irresponsible people and call them "scumbags" or "scumbags". It seems that giving such a review will give some comfort to the heart, because they are wrong people, those who should bear worldly responsibilities and slanderous accusations and slanderous illnesses. We may have done something very "slack" by putting such a label on ourselves seems to make our mood relaxed. Anyway, if we throw it apart, as long as we say "I'm very scum", it will be nothing. In fact, we will simply not be responsible for the high-quality numbers of "scrap" and cannot solve any problem: when we look at others with "scrap", we will not be able to see one's true nature, and we will still not be able to see the other party clearly next time, and make the same mistake again; when we look at ourselves with "scrap", we will avoid problems again and again, which means that we will harm others again and again, and the heart is also tormented.
When did we begin to develop irresponsible habits? I still have to say that in the second part of this chapter, children are talking about toys. Parents use different ways to face their children's unreasonable behavior - one is that the parents think everyone is watching and feels unlucky, so they are awkward to get along; the other is that they move the children to a place where no one is watching, and stay with the children until they calm down. Which child do you think is more likely to gain a sense of responsibility? The answer is obvious. After the first child did the over-deal, he not only did not accept any price, but he was even rewarded, that is, he did not assume the responsibility he deserved; on the contrary, the second child needs to face the emotions, digest the emotions, understand why he was rejected, and how to respond to such events and emotions again in the future. This is the process of learning to assume responsibility.
In addition to the two above-mentioned parents' approaches, let's take a look at the other two situations that may cause children to be in debt and difficult. One way is that parents will leave their children who are playing tricks and beating and leave without looking back. This method may make the child stop crying at the moment, but it may have a seed of being discarded and helpless in the child's heart. The child will feel that when he does something that makes his parents not happy, he may be abandoned or abandoned. Once he has such a thought, he will enter a helpless state - I am actually incapable of doing it and can only exist with my parents. Once they leave, I am nothing. Under this situation, it is difficult for people to be responsible because they need to have a certain amount of self-energy. If no one can let themselves rely on it, then they will not be able to generate energy. For example, some people's love objects are frequently changed, one after another. They never give themselves a free time, but in fact they are a state of being unable to be responsible for themselves. Only by allowing themselves to depend on their partner in their relationship can they live, otherwise they will be nothing.
There is also a common way for parents to say loudly to the children who are playing tricks, and even try to scare the children, so that they can get rid of unrealistic thoughts. I remember one time I met a mother and son on the road. The son might have made some overscore requests before, but the mother disagreed, so the son kept begging her to agree. Mom's response was very harsh. She really wanted to go forward at that time. Please don't say this, but I really have no right to ask and interfere, so I can only do it. Mom said, "If you do this, your mother will not like you anymore! I don't like you anymore! I will complain about you very much!" When the child heard it, he said in panic, "No, Mom loves me! I like me!" But Mom may be in her anger, and she kept gritting her teeth and repeating it: "No, I don't like you! You shut up your mouth for me! The more you talk, the less I like you!"
Alas, my heart was broken at that time. No matter what request the child made, she could guide her in a better way. But in the ejaculation of this emotion, the child may have a "fear of not being liked and loved by his mother", and in order to happen again, he may have stolen anything that will cause this situation. What happens to a person who suppresses all emotions? ─No initiative, no rejection, no responsibility.
The three elements of love are commitment, intimacy and passion, which are indispensable. Everyone has different attitudes towards love, and the proportion of different factors is naturally different, but each factor must exist, among which promises exist based on a sense of responsibility. Therefore, people who are not responsible are more likely to show "scratch" in secret relationships. What is confusing is that people who are not responsible in their relationships may be completely different in learning or work, such as completing their work on time or focusing on the work they undertake. The difference lies in "whether responsibility is tied to the core sentiment." Under normal circumstances, learning and work do not stimulate a person's core situation of a history of injustice, because most of our setbacks have been experienced in interactions with the Some people's reluctance to show that they will not start or enter a relationship at all, and always turn away or reject potential relationships for various reasons. This is an ultimate manifestation of being unable to be held responsible for themselves. "Slag" is a very simple evaluation. Maybe we give ourselves a chance to see the information hidden behind "Slag" and finally find the complete self.
※ This article is excerpted from "If life can come back, how should we grow up: Write to you who are confused and frustrated in the process of growth, and complete your secondary growth ventricle".
"If life can come back, how should we grow up: Write to you who are confused and frustrated in the process of growth, and complete your secondary growth ventricle"
Author: Wang Rui
Publisher: Happiness Culture
Publication date: 2023/09/27
Responsible editor: Gu Zihuan
